Atychiphobia-et-atychiphobiaphobia-phobia.

   The fear of fucking up is so much more fearsome than actually fucking up. I don't know why this is, I can easily reserve myself to failure, I'm not afraid of actually cocking it up; or am I? In wanting something to succeed so much I have become obsessed with its avoidance of crashing and burning when in truth, its not the crashing or the burning I'm afraid of, but the fear of said flaming explosions.

   I don't like being confused.

   So, I don't want to fail, but I don't want to fear failing... And I don't want to be afraid of both of those things, which I am, but only in these circumstances.

   Usually I'm care-free and happy to just go for it but this time, on this occasion I want to make extra-sure I don't fall on my arse, taking extra precautions to assure a falling upon my feet. This isn't easy for me, I've become incredibly used to just getting stuck in of late, not being afraid of anything, that's not me. In much the same way a bluebottle becomes used to landing in exactly the same place on a fridge door, sure in the knowledge that not only will I go at it with the same copy of OK! but also that as a curved figure of Kerry Katona comes rushing toward him, he'll be able to simply hop up, flap and fuck off.

   

Kid knows how it is, cool jumper by the way.

   My point is not that I'm a fly, which is pretty much what I've managed to surmise from the above, but that I'm not a bluebottle at all. Well, I usually am. But not in this instance. Its that I can't bet on it this time. I don't usually bet on not being hit by the paper, but being crushed isn't usually bother.

   No!

   My point!... My point is that I'm always sure that I'll either be able to sit on the fridge door quite happily or just be batted off by Kerry Katona, but this time, I'm too full of whatever bluebottles eat - jobbies isn't it? - to fly off and so if I do decide to land I'll either be okay and happy and fine and whatnot or be destroyed by a massive metaphorical Hello! magazine which, I'm sure you'll agree, is a fate worse than death.

   Or is it just shit analogies I'm afraid of?

-Nous.